i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
