Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
