Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
