Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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