we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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