that's an acceptable place to lick
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
