Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
