Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
