I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
