I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
