so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
