Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
