1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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