God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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