We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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