i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
