so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
