is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
