I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
