why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
