are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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