You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
