i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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