I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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