My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize