I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
