Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
