I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
