Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
no. you can't hotbox the world.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
