I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
