Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
