Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
