is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
