So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
