my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
