He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
