You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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