Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
