I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize