I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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