Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
