At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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