Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just had sex bonerless
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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