I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
