Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
