a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
