I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
