Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
