You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
