I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
