If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
