I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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