My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
