this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
