I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
