I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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