you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
