I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
