He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
