The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
