I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
