I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We have started to decorate penises.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
