who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I love having hate sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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