the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I hate all girls vehemently.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
