didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
