last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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