How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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