i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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