I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
